Tag: KLFRS

80. NO HI-VIZ (BY THE INCONSISTENT INFLUENCER)

Dec 12th, 2023
Many thanks to The Inconsistent Influencer (AKA NIk) for today’s blog. It feels very apt. Today, Ali and I are leaving The Manse, formerly our family home. We’re kasualties of the church mergers that I first wrote about in the Kompanion Volume(*). Our son, who has just finished his first semester at Uni, has declined the offer to come and stay with us in a hotel on a roundabout off the M9. Most of our stuff is in storage in an industrial estate at Aviemore. I have a box of GANTOB materials safely tucked away in the cupboard with a kettle and spare pillows. And currently I’m wondering whether hazelnut chocolate jars still come in the same shape so that I can acquire a lid to securely house Chas, cart and The Benefaktor. None of the local convenience stores have a suitably sized jar. Maybe they’d have something suitable on Gumtree. I ruminate on what I would pay for a suitable cap on eBay. At least Little Grapefruit and the Tardis are safely screwed up.

NIk finds some interesting angles to explore in his blog. What, indeed, does Ali have up his sleeve? I would love to know. And there’s lots of life yet in the other characters, except perhaps Curt Finks’ ghost. Find out how you can take part at the end of this blog. But for now, it’s over to NIk.

In a festively illuminated room, shelves cluttered with relics of the early 90s, I ponder her peculiar request for a tale set in the twilight of 2023. My fingers dance hesitantly on the keyboard, crafting a narrative that could satisfy GANTOB’s continuing demands:

GANTOB, with her enigmatic charm, remains, herself, entwined in the labyrinth of her own creation. In an unknown Scottish manse, she navigates the absurdities of daily life, randomly distributing her narrative through pamphlets. Unbeknownst to us all, her husband Ali, the mysterious man of the manse, harbours secrets which will unravel across coming days.

The Benefaktor, GANTOB’S shadowy sponsor lurks in the background, orchestrating a symphony of events involving his granddaughter, “The Foundation Doktor” (TFD).

TFD, another character shrouded in mystery, embarks on a journey that transcends the Benio.

Contemporaneously, The Photographer, an enigmatic acquaintance of The Benefaktor, captures moments that blur the lines between reality and fiction.

Susan, GANTOB’s former boss, recurs in unexpected ways, injecting a dose of corporate chaos into the narrative. Legal obligations loom, diluting the whimsical world which GANTOB has meticulously crafted.

Amid the chaos, the ghost of Curt Finks fades, a spectral presence passing through the fabric of time.

As the year wanes, GANTOB’s weird world collides with that of Bronwyn Gosling, the late Curt Finks’ ornithological opposite.

Their trajectories intertwine in an eclectic ballet, echoing the ephemeral nature of existence.

Characters from GANTOB’s first book, “Grapefruit Are Not The Only Bombs: 2023 re-enactment,” kibble, adding layers to the intricate tapestry of her GANTOBverse.

In a moment of macabre mayhem, I, the middle-aged maestro (with a perversion for the KLF), find myself submerged in a subplot of my own – a mouse meets an untimely demise, a curious casualty of the chaos charging GANTOB’s universe.

And so, with 400 words steeped in the eccentric fabric of GANTOB’s imagination, I humbly submit my tapestried narrative of peculiarities that mirror the idiosyncrasies of the KLF-infused GANTOBverse. The promise of a limited edition A5 book, adorned with illustrations and vivid colors, awaits – I hope I’ll be fortunate and secure my coveted copy in the whimsy world that GANTOB has kreated.

NIk (latterly the Inconsistent Influencer (The Old Man On Facebook/The Young Man on Twitter [now X]). Also known as @Page93Photography)

12 December 2023

The final weeks of 2023 are proving a productive time for Bill Drummond, Jimmy Cauty and friends:
- A new piece by Bill Drummond on the Caught by the River website – The Galloverse Translation
And just released from The Krossing, 23 November 2023:
- Chill Out Live at The Skool of Death performed by Stephen Clark 1980, Gary and Ste
- Jimmy Cauty’s The Ice Kream Van Rave as shared by Stephen Clark 1980
And being December 2023 there may be more to come. There is still time for you to make a contribution to this blog. It may prove well worth the effort.

If you have 400 words to submit, please get in touch. Ignore the deadlines, but please remember to provide an excuse for being late. If your blog is used in December 2023 you will receive a copy of the forthcoming book: GANTOB’s 2023: A trilogy, including your contribution. Good luck!

(*) Any resemblance to churches past, present or future, real or imagined, is entirely unintentional. It is a plot device to maintain our anonymity. All you really need to know is that we’ve been uprooted and are currently in temporary accommodation.
79. NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL LOVE (BY STUART HUGGETT)

Dec 11th, 2023

There have been many unexpected coincidences and connections in my daily posts on the GANTOB blog. A lot have been concentrated around the streets of Edinburgh. And a fair few emanate from The Benefaktor.

So it’s apt that Stuart Huggett’s second guest blog is set in central Edinburgh, and studies the close bond between The Benefaktor and his granddaughter The Foundation Doktor. The Benefaktor tells me that they have an “ionic bond” (a close and stable connection). Apparently it contrasts with the covalent bond that I have with The Benefaktor – a “stable balance of attractive and repulsive forces” that ties us, but at a distance.

If you haven’t already read Stuart’s first blog, please check it out before reading on.

Over to Stuart to take us through a musical tour of the late 1980s and 1990s, bringing us bang up to date with our characters in the process.

GANTOB

Watch Stuart’s narration here:

The Benefaktor is heading into Edinburgh city centre to meet his granddaughter, known to some as The Foundation Doktor, for coffee. As he walks, he ponders her burgeoning enthusiasm for The KLF. She wasn’t born until a few years after their run of hits so this is all history to her, he feels. Mansplaining instincts kick in and he diverts into HMV on Princes Street to browse the compilations section, hoping for a hits CD that could help her place The KLF and The Timelords in a wider musical context.

Recognising the Now That’s What I Call Music! brand, he’s pleased to find a run of reissued 80s and 90s volumes in a 2 For £16 promotion, picking out Now 12 for ‘Doctorin’ The Tardis’ and, why not, the preceding Now 11.

Soon after, chatting amiably over their coffees, The Benefaktor hands over his gifts. His granddaughter accepts them with gratitude but secretly little enthusiasm and it is only that evening, after dinner has been eaten and television watched, that she idly picks the CDs up again to study their contents more closely.

And there on Now 11 she spots it. Coldcut Feat. Yazz & The Plastic Population – ‘Doctorin’ The House’. The memory bell rings again. She picks up her phone and finds the track on YouTube, in all its acid house, cut and paste glory.

“Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?” jumps out from the cavalcade of samples. She DID remember the ‘Staged’ line from somewhere after all. She could only have heard it on Pick Of The Pops while driving with her parents recently, that’s where much of her knowledge of hits of the 80s has come from. Thank you Steve Wright!

David Tennant would remember that track, of course, and Cauty and Drummond were playing with its title when they made their Timelords single. A diagram of connections fans out in her mind.

The Doktor scrolls through Coldcut’s ‘Beats + Pieces’, ‘Say Kids! What Time Is It?’ and their JAMs-sampling remix of Society’s ‘Love It!’ before the YouTube sidebar recommends ‘I’m In Deep’ featuring Mark E Smith.

She clicks the link, laughing at Smith’s wildly distorted vocal. The sidebar then offers her The Fall’s ‘Edinburgh Man’ and the Doktor, tiring by now, emotionally vulnerable, wells up as Smith sings of wandering the city alone. The figure reminds her of her grandfather. Tears begin to fall.

Stuart Huggett

11 December 2023

GANTOB’s reflections:

I had not previously heard The Fall song Stuart mentions, or seen the video. It is difficult to imagine that Mark E Smith is dead after seeing him in such rude health (and smiling) in the video, walking through scenes that have barely changed in the intervening 30 years. And what a tune – something that he worked on for 18 months after spending time in Edinburgh; a marked contrast to his usual creative process.

However, on the theme of coincidences, watch the video carefully and you’ll see – 1:25 and 4:00 minutes into the video – Mark E Smith and bandmates at the top of the Playfair Steps that The Benefaktor was said to have fallen down a couple of months ago. That was a source of great worry to me at the time. But this is all pure chance. I have asked my music pals and The Fall’s the Edinburgh Man is new to them as well. Though of course the subconscious plays funny tricks, as Stuart points out.

And the dynamic between The Foundation Doktor and her grandfather that Stuart captures is very touching too. My father is suffering from dementia, and is increasingly frail. That has been very much on my mind while writing the book, pamphlets and blog. It is also a worry for my children, who have moved away but stay in close contact. It’s interesting that Stuart has projekted this onto The Foundation Doktor’s relationship with The Benefaktor. Or perhaps KLF fans are just much more likely to be part of the sandwich generation.
78. GREY IS THE COLOUR OF HOPE – part 2 (BY GAYNOR)

Dec 10th, 2023

Today’s post continues on from where we left off yesterday. Intriguingly we also hear from The Benefaktor, but not the benefacktor. Over to you again Gaynor…

Listen to Gaynor narrate both parts of her piece here:

Grey is not flat cold and shadowless like black. It does not engulf and cover.

Or swamp.

Grey has tone.

There’s perspective, warmth, movement and light.

Grey had hope.

*

Why did this resonate with me so much?

I had been stuck trapped / engulfed in black before, with no music and no art back in the olden times.

Grey allowed me to wake up and escape. It was a way out.

Grey is the colour of hope.

*

Every day I stood in front of that tin of International Grey paint by Bill Drummond I was just so in love with the idea that grey could wipe out the offensive and beauty could be had everywhere at your own whim. I loved it was actually a tin of paint.

I used to fantasise about liberating it and taking it down to B&Q and watching people mull it over.

It was perfect. It’s not a mock up pretend impostor of a tin. There were no shoddy paper labels. Care, attention to detail and planning had gone into that tin of International Grey.

I pondered did Bill say to Alan in his Scottish lit: Aye Alan, this grey would be perfect for you? Do you wanna borrow it? Or was it an acktual kollaboration?

Or had Alan previously collected/ bought it a time ago?

Art by RONYAG YENNIF, with thanks

Who could I ask? (I was only a brief acquaintance with the benefacktor(+)).

So I never did.

The International grey paint is an enigma I’ve seen …….

*

International Grey gave me hope.

International Grey gave me my art back.

International Grey IS the colour of hope.

Gaynor

10 December 2023

(+) The Benefaktor would like it noted that “the benefacktor” is not the same person as has featured in this earlier instalments of this blog, and who funded the great majority of the GANTOB project, posting, materials, and even at one point offered GANTOB a stipend. The Benefaktor notes the following simple rules: the benefacktor who Gaynor mentions – AKA Alan’s benefacktor perhaps – has a lower case “b”. He or she has added the “k”, but retains the “c”. The reason for this is not clear. The Benefaktor – always a stickler for rules – would also like it noted that Gaynor’s blog does not follow GANTOB’s rules of Kreative Tyranny. At 685 words it is too long for a single blog, and too short for a double post. These notes make them two perfect 400s.

If you have 400 words you would like to contribute to this blog, please get in touch. Ignore the deadlines, but please remember to provide an excuse for being late. If your blog is used in December 2023 you will receive a copy of the forthcoming book: GANTOB’s 2023: A trilogy. Good luck!
77. GREY IS THE COLOUR OF HOPE – part 1 (BY GAYNOR)

Dec 9th, 2023

Listen to Gaynor narrate both parts of her piece here:

Today’s blog is by Gaynor. It’s a two parter. It responds to GANTOB pamphlet X13: Paint Them Black. That pamphlet exists only in the real world. There will only ever be 60 copies. They were printed in a range of colours. The pamphlet mentions a special type of paint, which came in a range of shades.

Gaynor’s piece will be included in the forthcoming GANTOB book (publication date 23 January 2024), and she automatically becomes one of the recipients of this book. If you would like to write a post, under the same terms, there are further details at the end of this blog.

Over to you Gaynor!

I didn’t think I had any kontributions/ kollaborations or whatever in me.

But I’d felt such an honour being number 11 in GANTOB’s first book.

What I do I know is Bill Drummond grey. I first encountered it in 2012. I’m being vague – not deliberately, but because memory tricks you, and sometimes when we remember we embellish things. However, it doesn’t really matter when you aren’t sharing your memory. But now I am.

*

November 2023: I received some GANTOB pamphlets in the post to my joy while working from home. Taking a swift break of allocated time, I gave them my attention.

GANTOB Pamphlet X13 (Paint Them Black) jumped out at me because it was yellow. I’m very drawn to yellow. It’s a very glowing pulsating salvation of a colour full of rebirths, growth and new starts. (I had a load of therapy in the old days and yellow chose me as a safe space/ colour).

On reading the pamphlet I had some thoughts about Bill Drummond’s affair with paint. I too love a bit of paint: it soothes the soul. Bill, being an artist, and him famously offering 1000 tins of grey paint for sale. I wondered what happened to them.

GANTOB mentions a fan blog saying Bill produced/ manufactured the paint in the mid 90s.

The paint was intended to cover anything the buyer found morally or aesthetically offensive, promoting vandalism – or was it? What if, when you are covering up something offensive to your eyes, you are making it beautiful or even just bearable? Even if only to yourself?

Where are these tins of paint? Knocked over in a shed getting rusty? Under the stairs getting a skin on them? I don’t know who knows. Did anyone buy any?

I digress ……I’ve seen one of those tins of paint.

Stood within breathing distance.

Stood within holding it distance ……

Every day for three months while invigilating at Liverpool art prize in 2012, I was drawn to a partikular artist’s work. This was Alan Dunn. I breathed in his work, in my nostrils and in my pores. I couldn’t get enough. I loved Alan’s space in the gallery. It encapsulated everything I love: music, records, CDs, cassette tapes, art and of course Bill’s tin of paint. The shade was: Drummond’s International Grey.

The cassette tapes were titled: Grey is the colour of hope.

*

Grey IS the colour of hope.

To be continued tomorrow…

Gaynor

9 December 2023

If you have 400 words you would like to contribute to this blog, please get in touch. Ignore the deadlines, but please remember to provide an excuse for being late. If your blog is used in December 2023 you will receive a copy of the forthcoming book: GANTOB’s 2023: A trilogy. Good luck!
76. GANTOB’s DREAM (BY ARIADNE)

Dec 8th, 2023

Thanks to Ariadne for this lovely connektion back to one of Bill Drummond’s pre-KLF guises: The Manager. I can assure that The Benefaktor and Bill Drummond are kompletely different people. I have had to sit through a few turgid encounters with The Benefaktor, so can tell you this first hand. He’s older, taller, thinner, and has a bit more hair than Bill Drummond. He’s a necessary evil when I am strapped for kash with a projekt to deliver.

Art work provided by yours truly.

I dreamt about The Benefaktor again last night. He was wheeling me down a quiet country lane, in a homemade cart. There are two compartments, and I am stuck in the second. There isn’t much room. There’s all sorts of rubbish in here and odd bits paraphernalia hanging off the sides. An old radio, a broom, a framed seven inch. We stop every now and then and he chucks odd bits of rubbish in. I try to move into the first section where there’s only a guitar but he keeps on pushing me back. He is very unhappy with me. He starts to berate me. I’m still unemployed, what’s he to do with me? All of this has been brought on because I asked him to be a referee for a job that I wanted to apply for. He said that he wouldn’t do it, but that Chas would. Chas is sitting in front of me.

He turns around and I can sense his sticky malevolence. He joins in the browbeating, gesticulating with his squishy arms and speaking in that high pitched gibberish. The Benefaktor starts speaking in the same nonsense language. They are going to give me a list, a list of 17 things that I need to do if I want to get a j.o.b.

Their rules are all very baffling. And make no sense at all. Especially the last one which the The Benefaktor, wagging a finger in my face, delivered with absolute finality ‘And, NO REMIXES!’

Credit: GANTOB

All of a sudden, Chas crumbles and I start picking him up and trying to squash him back together. I want to throw him out of the cart but The Benefaktor insists he stays inside. Suddenly Chas is standing in front of me once again, still in the front compartment with just the guitar meanwhile odds bits and pieces keep appearing in my section. Bits of brick and toblerone, a grapefruit covered in ash that I almost step on. I pick up the grapefruit and it’s wearing a fake moustache. The Benefaktor takes it from me, rips off the moustache and says ‘that will be good for T.V.’ The Grapefruit then turns around smiles and winks at me, she jumps out of his hand and rolls away. Chas yelps after her. He then breaks apart into 400 little grapefruit and they all follow her off into the sunset.

Ariadne

8 December 2023

Finally, if you have 400 words you would like to contribute to this blog, please get in touch.

72. LITTLE GRAPEFRUIT’S WELSH COUSIN – Part Two (BY MISSI FORMATION)

Dec 4th, 2023

In today’s blog – the follow up to yesterday’s post – Missi Formation (sometimes known as Christine) brings us back to the book that we are supposed to be re-enacting – The JAMs’ 2023: A trilogy. Revelations aplenty. Thanks Missi for helping us komply with The KLFRS’s rules – to recreate, reposition, destroy or destruct: are you sure that you’re really an anarkist?

Angharad found herself in the little bar, sharing in conversations on Anarky. She wondered why we aren’t all anarkists, and settled on the idea that was related to empathy (see table 2.3).

Angharad asked the name of the fellow anarkist she was talking to. Tat’jana reached out her hand and introduced herself. Angharad wondered if this was the friend her mother Kristina had been desperately seeking since they were separated at a rave back in the 90s. She realised there had been false rumours about Kristina and Tat’jana being bandied about, especially the one about the submarine. She knew that was just nonsense that the KLF had made up.

Angharad and Tat’jana spoke for some time before Angharad braved the conversation. She was looking for reference points that would tie her with memories from her mother’s stories. She knew her mum had the old sound system in her barn, the size of a small aircraft hangar, in Wales. She also had the big Triptych projektion skreen, the old trusty Edirol mixer and a stack of old DVD players.

Angharad was aware that she could not hang around for too long, she still had plans to meet up with Little Grapefruit one day soon. Angharad skratched her grapefruit brow, thinking hard of a way she could summarise what this Tat’jana had told her so far, could she use the K-Konjekture formula? Angharad was not sure if it was the akcent that made it sound like Tat’jana was using K’s to replace the C’s. She did realise in these Baltic regions – and indeed for most of Eastern Europe and further afield – they preferred a good kicking K to a C.

Turning to Tat’jana to pose the question, Angharad spotted the little ice-kream tattoo on Tat’jana’s wrist. It was the same as the one her mother has. They got them on a day trip to New Brighton after hanging out on the film set for Letter to Brezhnev. The JAMs later stole the Ice-Kream and K idea.

It was her!
Angharad gasped!
Tat’jana offered another drink of vodka and a slice of lard, Angharad refused.

Angharad wondered for a moment what her mother Kristina would think about being reunited with Tat’jana. She knew she had been desperately seeking her, but did she really want to get the band back together? It was after all 2023 and possibly too late for the Christmas number 1 entry.

ANARKY	EMPATHY
Community living	Caring for your neighbours
Self-sufficiency	Sharing what you have grown and not harming the environment
Mutual Aid	Solidarity or empathy for those who are treated unfairly is considered to be a form of natural morality – Kropotkin
The glue that binds us all together	Empathy is seen as a glue that helps society stay together and not degenerate into a war of all-against-all
Revolutionary organising	Beyond notions of solidarity lies empathy, the practice of people deeply listening to and understanding one another in a very real and fundamental way
Konnections	Without empathy, the Konnections between people that need to be made in order to effectively challenge the alienation and atomisation inherent in Kapitalism and institutional authority will not happen

Table 2.3. Credit Missi Formation

Missi Formation

4 December 2023

Each of the intrepid explorers of the GANTOBverse have provided 400 words about the characters introduced in the first GANTOB book (published September 2023) and this blog. In return they will be sent a kopy of the book of this blog (planned for publikation 23 January 2024). Each household can provide up to three blogs. You can still provide a kontribution, as long as you have an excuse for late submission.

71. LITTLE GRAPEFRUIT’S WELSH COUSIN – Part One (BY MISSI FORMATION)

Dec 3rd, 2023

In today’s blog we hear from regular GANTOB kollaborator and korrespondent Missi Formation. Missi links back to Little Grapefruit’s recent four part “Capi t als” series. Nicely done Missi.

Each of the intrepid explorers of the GANTOBverse have provided 400 words about the characters introduced in the first GANTOB book (published September 2023) and this blog. In return they will be sent a kopy of the book of this blog (planned for publikation 23 January 2024). Each household can provide up to three blogs. You can still provide a kontribution, as long as you have an excuse for late submission.

There have already been enquiries about the line drawing included below. UPDATE: The original artwork was won by the first person to complete one of the three pictures in Curt Finks’ story The Honeymoon Period. You can download that story if you look very carefully in either Little Grapefruit in Vienna or Who Stole the Cookie.

But that’s a diversion. For the moment please enjoy Missi’s story about Angharad Grapefruit. Part 2 tomorrow.

Little is known about Little Grapefruit’s Welsh cousin, Angharad. But those who have heard of her will know that she recently embarked on a journey to join up with her cousin, Little Grapefruit, somewhere in the Baltic Region. For Grapefruit can still travel freely throughout every territory in the world. Grapefruit are seen as universally neutral and at peace with every nation.

Little Grapefruit (LG) is the older cousin of Angharad, but LG is much plumper and noticeably pinker than her Welsh relative. Unfairly, Angharad often feels overlooked in comparison. Angharad has been known to have a unique tinge of green, which can make her look quite poorly.

Vertiginous Welsh Grapefruit exploring St Isaac’s Cathedral, St Petersburg. Credit: GANTOB, channeling the Curt Finks story The Honeymoon Story

Angharad recently spent the week in Liverpool, rolling around the Florrie and taking in the triptych visuals of the KLFRs. Angharad identifies as an Anarkist Grapefruit and insists that the KLFRS have got some things wrong. She accepts their heirarky, but is fearless when changing the big “S” to a little “s”. She doesn’t mind upsetting others when it is for a good cause.

Angharad became somewhat emotional after the Krossing in Liverpool and decided it was time for reflection. She plopped herself into the Mersey and bobbed off to find a place to just be, bobbing along for days until she finally reached St Petersburg. She knew she would have at least one night here before she had to meet up with the plumper, rounder, pinker relative.

Angharad had been to St Petersburg before with her adopted parents. She recalls the time when they went to the top of St Isaac’s Cathedral to see the bells. As excited bellringers, her parents had forgotten they suffered with vertigo. They quickly turned a green hue. It could be where Angharad gets it from. I don’t think it’s biological or inherited from her other Grapefruit ancestors.

Angharad took in the sights of the city and felt the glow from her long swim from the river to the sea. She would catch up with Little Grapefruit eventually, but for now Angharad wanted to bask in her own being. She remembered one of Mum and Dad’s favourite pubs and rolled along the street where War and Peace was written, saluting to the memory of Tolstoy as she went. She found the little cosy bar that she remembered from her previous visit and rolled herself inside, removing the jumper and hat she had bought on arrival.

Miss Iformation

3 December 2023
70. WHO STOLE THE COOKIE? (by STUART HUGGETT)

Dec 2nd, 2023

December is for demokratisation. Today’s blog, the second guest glimpse of the GANTOBverse, is skillfully imagined by Stuart Huggett. Accompanying photos are by GANTOB and Little Grapefruit.

Watch Stuart’s narration here:

The Foundation Doktor is Christmas shopping but little has caught her eye. Following her grandfather’s dealings with the writer GANTOB, she’s recently bought a copy of The Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu’s novel ‘2023: A Trilogy’, reading it on her breaks. Two thirds of the way in, the book is getting a grip on her mind.

Heading down Canongate, she finds a record shop and steps inside. Glancing around the crates, she spots a divider marked KLF / TIMELORDS / JAMS. She picks out a lurid green and hi-viz pink album called ‘What Time Is Love LP’. It’s only £20 and the assistant throws in a free copy of ‘Doctorin’ The Tardis’ on 7” too, just because “we’ve got so many of the bloody things.” Pleased with herself, she forgets about Christmas shopping and heads home.

Once indoors she puts the kettle on, studying her purchases. The ‘What Time Is Love LP’ was “Compiled and collated by Dr Alexander Paterson” and the mysterious contributors include someone called Dr Felix. Dr who?

Doctor Who! She’d never been a fan but the return of David Tennant has piqued her interest. She’d developed a slight crush on him when ‘Staged’ aired as the world emerged from lockdown. A “Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?” chant is a running joke across its three series. The line rings a bell in her subconscious but she has no idea why. She does know that Tennant returning as the new Doctor is an unprecedented thing for the show to do.

Credit: GANTOB

Fetching her tea, she elects to read another ‘2023’ chapter. Book Three, Chapter 4, ‘Phone A Friend’. “Dear Reader” it starts, and she reads on.

“They have revived lots of the old programmes we all used to watch” she reads. “They still have Strictly and the Great British Bake Off. And they are making new episodes of Doctor Who – with the Daleks again. And David Tennant is back as the Doctor.”

The Doktor catches her breath and checks the copyright page, “First published in 2017 by Faber & Faber Limited.” How did they know? Had The JAMs predicted Tennant’s return? Had they caused it? She looks at the cover again. The eyeball on The Shard stares back at her.

Her head is spinning. She needs sugar. She takes her tea into the kitchen, sets it down and opens the tin. Damn. She’s out of biscuits.

Stuart Huggett

2 December 2023

Each of the intrepid explorers of the GANTOBverse have provided 400 words about the characters introduced in the first GANTOB book (published September 2023) and this blog. In return they will be sent a kopy of the book of this blog (planned for publikation 23 January 2024). Each household can provide up to three blogs. You can still provide a kontribution, as long as you have an excuse for late submission.
69. THE KURIOUS KASE OF THE BENEFAKTOR (BY F’DA F’DA)

Dec 1st, 2023

We mark each day in December with a secular advent calendar. 31 days until GANTOB (the projekt) komes to a konklusion. Bravely, GANTOB (the person) has handed over kontrol to up to 31 kontributors (the aktual number will only be known towards the middle of the month).

Each of these intrepid explorers of the GANTOBverse will provide 400 words. In return they will be sent a kopy of the book of this blog (planned for publikation 23 January 2024). Each household can provide up to three blogs. You can still provide a kontribution, as long as you have an excuse for late submission.

The first kontributor is F’da F’da, a recent initiate to the world of GANTOB, The Benefaktor, Curt Finks, The Observer, Bronwyn Gosling, Little Grapefruit and the rest. Many thanks F’da F’da for providing your summary of events so far.

They say The Benefaktor moves in mysterious ways! Many surmise it’s just koincidental, whilst others say it’s karma and to some it’s just klaptrap. On the night of ‘The Krossing’ (23/11/23) he reached out via GANTOB to a lonely, despondent soul floating aimlessly in the metaverse. A konnektion was made, via Musk Media, with F’da F’da a KLF devotee obsessed with the number 23 (thanks to Spiral Tribe), MuMufikation and other associated paraphernalia.

Time of konnektion was approximately 23:23! Koincidence or karma? It didn’t matter, F’da’s mind went into overdrive, he lay on his bed tossing and turning, thoughts whirring around like a neural dervish. KLF, K2 Plant Hire, the K Foundation, 2023 What The Fuuk Is Going On? The JAMS, KLFRS, 2023 A Trilogy etc it all made some kind of sense to his disturbed mind.

Unable to sleep he went online and down the rabbit hole of digital konfusion trying to ascertain who The Benefaktor (aka ‘The Thin Man’) kould be? After hours of skrolling through pages and pages of mostly pointless leads and links the klosest he came was the Reverend Kurt Kokane, head honcho at ‘The Church of the Kaotic Kollective’. There was also the possibility that he was no more than a figment of GANTOB’s imagination!

It was while he was checking out one of the links that he came akross the Justified Ancients of Mu Mu ‘Burn The Shard’ event held on 23/11/2017… This led him to an audio re-enaktment by the KLFRS & Monomorte. The lyriks include the mention of a book arriving from out the blue that inkluded the words “Burn The Shard!”

Kould this be from the same book; Grapefruit Are Not The Only Bombs? It is klaimed there were only 23 kopies of this book printed and sent to various individuals around the planet, one of which was Vladimir Putin. It describes how he opened the book at a random page and read this written in Cyrillic:

Mankind Needs War

Without war civilisation would not have evolved

It is your duty to further the evolution of Mankind

Make war Now

A book within a book that was set in the future, (koincidently this year, 2023), but printed in 2017! Was The Benefaktor responsible for its printing, was the author prophetik, will the Benefaktor help F’da F’da realise his dreams of becoming a person of some rekognition???

Post kindly kontributed by F’da F’da

1 December 2023
68. PROF GRAYLING MUIR (part 1)

Nov 30th, 2023

Part 1 of a weekly series (Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5).

Bronwyn Gosling was sitting in a hide on the East Anglian fens, binoculars and camera at the ready. But she wasn’t concentrating on the birds. She had her torch out, dimming the beam as much as she could. She was reading a poor-quality photocopy of a paper that the university librarian had forwarded to her, sourced from the British Library. It was written by Grayling Muir, PhD, from ______ University, Canada. It was the fifth in a series of papers that he had written over the past three years, each looking at different aspects of the behaviour of Brent Geese.

It was dark so early nowadays. Really she should go home and get tucked up warmly, watch some TV and have an early night. But no, to avoid further eye strain she closed the shutters, put torch on full beam, poured another cup of tea from her thermos, and kept reading. She was thinking back to her first encounter with “Gray”, when he had stayed in her village for a few happy weeks.

Prof Muir was the most North American person that Bronwyn had ever met, all teeth, hair and broad shoulders. But despite his imposing presence he was reassuringly gently spoken and fell in easily with both village and academic life. He took the bus and train into Cambridge once a week, but otherwise he was out on the fens every day.

Not Brent Geese, and not fens (sorry). GANTOB out and about in Badenoch with camera earlier this week

Muir, attending a conference in London early November 1988, had overheard a conversation during a refreshment break. Two elderly ornithologists were discussing a change in the behaviour of a group of local Brent Geese. They knew from the meticulous records of the local amateur birdwatching society that these geese migrated to the same spot in the East Anglian fens every year. Used to a bit of rough and tumble to tag and document these birds, this year they had been struck by their docile nature. “Dazed” said the reports. Standing around or sometimes just sitting, wings by their side, head moving with their pulse.

Muir studied this further with the local enthusiasts and the team in Cambridge. They identified water sources, chemicals that had been used in the neighbouring fields, tested for infection and noted the general health of the geese and other species. He wrote two papers that year, describing the state of the birds and the exposures, appealing for suggestions in the journal’s letter page.

Reconstructed from Curt Finks’ 1992 diary (by Ali and GANTOB 2023)

Names, science and location have all been changed, except Bronwyn’s name (though she uses her married name nowadays).

To be continued… Read part 2 and part 3; parts 4 and 5 to follow).

Cover image is from the WWT website.