96. PROF GRAYLING MUIR – part 5

Curt Finks has finally arrived at the hide, with his friend Bronwyn and visiting academic Prof Grayling Muir. Finks is still reeling from the interview with the Fringe of the Fringe journalist. The concluding part of the reconstructed tales of Finks and friends from the late 80s and early 90s.

Part 1| Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

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Eventually Curt Finks calmed down. Bronwyn had learnt to shut out her friend’s witterings when he was having such a rant. However, Grayling Muir sat listening with studied attentiveness as the Reverend’s story unfolded – a joker distributing a different programme in his name for each of his Edinburgh Fringe performances. Who could possibly have set up such an elaborate scheme, with such convoluted rules? In contrast, Finks’ performance had not changed since his 1972 debut.

Thankfully, conversation moved on. Grayling was detailing his research so far. The Brent Geese had arrived on their scheduled day, flashing their green, yellow and pink tags as a challenge for the local bird watchers to document and track their route, mourn the missing, and tag the newest additions to their flock. But a few geese in one corner of their patch had, for a second year, started to show a stumbling state of stupor.

Recounting the natural history of this strange condition, Grayling painted a gloomy picture. Some of the birds had been found circling incessantly. Others slept through the day as if scared of the sun, surfacing only at night to start their shuffle all over again. Yet more showed even more worrying signs, a distant look in their eye before disappearing, their tags found discarded in a trough that cattle and sheep shared in an adjacent field.

According to Professor Muir there had been reports of similar episodes in letters responding to his various publications on this phenomenon. Similar behaviour had been observed in Canada and Siberia. After recruiting volunteers from an advert in the same journal, Muir carefully tabulated the details of the plants growing where the geese had been found. On one occasion he noted the little yellow flowers found in a puddle of vomit close to an affected goose

Intensive statistical analysis, using mainframe computers in the veterinary department of his Canadian university threw up an unexpected pattern. A strong correlation between number of Brent Geese affected and proximity to patches of ragworts. Finks and Bronwyn Gosling knew this part of the story: the eradication of the culprit flora.

Now that the area was clear of the cause of their illness, the Brent Geese numbers had boomed, without a return to their toxin-induced catatonia. “And that”, said Grayling, flourishing his most recently published paper, “ends my Muir Trance Series”. A coot in the distance peeped out a rhythmic call.

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Reconstructed by GANTOB and Ali from discussions with Bronwyn Gosling and details from Curt Finks diaries, 1988-1992